Get comfortable with "I Don't Know"

Resisting the pressure to act like we have it all figured out

Oct 31, 2024

Hi, I’m Matt, and Welcome to Steady Beats: a regular column on fitness, books, and finding meaning at mid-life.

It’s a question infused with well-meaning.

And it’s been asked of me a lot lately. People in and around Write of Passage know we have just two weeks left in this final cohort. And as we move towards the finale, I’m interacting with a lot of students and colleagues who ask the same thing:

“So… what’s next for you?”

The first dozen times or so I was asked, my chest tightened. I don’t have some triumphant, “Yes! I’ve landed the next big thing—look at my victory lap!” answer.

The truth is, I don’t have it figured out just yet.

So I’ve gotten comfortable saying, “I don’t know—yet.” Comfortable with the way it lands and the slight pause it seems to create, sometimes with an awkward, nodding “Ahh” on the other end.

Why not be comfortable? It’s the truth.

Still, it’s not the image we’re conditioned to project, is it? We’re supposed to have it nailed down, clear on the Next Step and the Next Goal and how we’ll conquer it.

But often, life doesn’t work that way.

A man carrying a large dark green question mark directly on his back, symbolizing the weight of uncertainty. He is walking through a busy city scene, slightly hunched under the question mark, appearing thoughtful. The bustling city around him is filled with people, buildings, and vehicles, creating a contrast between his personal journey and the energetic environment. The question mark is positioned squarely on his back, as though it is a heavy burden.

Knowns amongst the unknown

I do know a few things. I know I’m searching, and that search will shift into a higher gear soon. I know I’m loving this Write of Passage cohort—leading our team of mentors and editors, co-piloting live sessions with David, and hosting next-day Watch Parties so our global students can catch up on the learning from the night before. It’s been a blast and a privilege.

And yet, there’s this river of melancholy running underneath it all.

Because when you see hundreds of newly published student essays bursting onto the Internet each week, there’s a sense of pride in the team and in students that comes with it. It brings meaning and a feeling of accomplishment. I love watching people grow as writers and thinkers. But also: in just two weeks, that river of new essays and vibrant energy will dry up.

I also know the other things I’ll be doing while on the job hunt. Working out. Enjoying the holidays, torturing the family with too-soon Christmas music. Helping get our house ready to sell. Reading and writing.

There’s lots to do, and nothing to answer for right now, other than to be honest.

Venturing into a vacuum

I’m not sure what’s next for work. But I know what I’m rooted in, I know the habits that will keep me moving through change and uncertainty. And I know those habits will bear fruit.

I’m reminded of this quote from Amor Towles’ A Gentlemen in Moscow:

“For what matters in life is not whether we receive a round of applause; what matters is whether we have the courage to venture forth despite the uncertainty.”

That’s the trick—keep moving.

I didn’t become the director of student success at Write of Passage by mapping it out years in advance. That wouldn’t even have been possible. I landed that role by taking uncomfortable steps. By finding places and people to which I could add value, and then doing more than expected. I landed that role by following my gut, listening to what lit me up, and then doing it, growing, and trying to do it even better.

Venturing forth, through the fog, through the uncertainty, is the answer.

The answers will come, all in good time, and right on time.