An excellent thought provoking essay. This is a question I've been grappling with recently. I grew up on Long Island and now live (for 20+ years) in Western NY (think Buffalo). The same state, but different cultures. And as the kids grow and parents age, we are considering relocating. But to where. And where will feel like home?
Complex and timeless question. I have read some Wendell Berry and he makes a strong case for the importance of home.
Thanks also for the review of the Larson book. It's higher on my list now.
Love this post. First reminded me of the scene in Up in the Air when the pilot asks Ryan where he’s from and his answer says everything in 3 words. “I’m from here.”
Also appreciate posts like this which help nudge this Larson book further up my queue. Great combo of book review and introspect.
There is a lot to think about here! There can be a lot more to place identity. In Chicago there are divisions upon divisions: 77 recognized neighborhoods; North, West, or South Sides, parishes for Catholics; high school and/or college. Not to mention city vs suburb, city vs state, income/class (a weird Venn diagram of income, status, and genertic), and race (which trumps everything).
So...if you are a Kenwood, Lane Tech or Whitney Young kid that went to DePaul that lives in Chinatown or Bridgeport or Rogers Park but was born on an Army base to a cardiologist at Northwestern and an English teacher but you spent summers in Englewood with cousins from Mississippi, Belize and Canada or Iowa detailing corn and scooping the loop, but learned to speak Spanish and cook pozole before starting grade school...and you have reddish brown hair and freckles...where are you from is usually a question that takes a couple of days to answer.
The part that really bothers me is when people ask where are you from so they can decide who you are and how they should treat you. Instead of the whole content of character/do unto others thing.
I'm reminded of a song lyric that Carol King wrote in the 1970s:
"So far away
Doesn't anybody stay
In one place anymore?"
When we first came to Florida, we were always shocked at the question, "Where are you from", with the automatic and underlying assumption that it's not from here. And this seemed to be a major element of social currency in Florida. Even the name tags for people in hotels listed their state or country of origin much like the Chinese ID cards that equate provincial origin with personal identity.
But, for now, I am back in New England. And if you want to get a strong sense of place, just go to the local fishermen's bar and try to decipher the accent. Growing up here, I remember the arguments about which was the first town in Connecticut, whether it was founded in 1634 or 1636. And we had locals who could point out the sites from King Philip's War (1670s) as if they had taken place in our lifetime. but even that is fading away.
I was looking for a good summer read. I will definitely get Larsen's book.
Fascinating essay. I have lived in Washington since 1991, but I still think of myself as from Upstate NY, and my body exhales when I go back there. So many things about NY State that aren’t completely in line with my spirit, but the scenery, the shale lake beds and incredible creeks, the rolling hills and snow speak to me.
Where were you in the Catskills? I belong to a fishing club in Roscoe and get out on the Beaverkill a few times each season. It is beautiful country. And it is the birthplace of American fly fishing.
After a few moves and way too many convos starting with ‘where ya from?’ I have moved onto asking ‘where did you move from?’ I find it sparks a more interesting story ✈️
...home is where the heart is they say...so i guess that means my home is some uninhabited island in the Caribbean that i have yet to make it to...but for realsies i do think our homes are where we feel like we’re home...i was born in Minnesota, raised in Chicago, arrested in the Dakotas, abandoned in Arizona, left for the wolves in Wyoming, and settled down in Reno before making a home in Oakland...lyrics from “The Undisputed Truth” - “papa was a rolling stone, wherever he left his hat was his home”...seems there is no true criteria outside of instinct...
An excellent thought provoking essay. This is a question I've been grappling with recently. I grew up on Long Island and now live (for 20+ years) in Western NY (think Buffalo). The same state, but different cultures. And as the kids grow and parents age, we are considering relocating. But to where. And where will feel like home?
Complex and timeless question. I have read some Wendell Berry and he makes a strong case for the importance of home.
Thanks also for the review of the Larson book. It's higher on my list now.
Lots of us in a similar age bracket probably asking similar questions, Anthony. The nest is emptying, parents are aging ... what's next?
Love this post. First reminded me of the scene in Up in the Air when the pilot asks Ryan where he’s from and his answer says everything in 3 words. “I’m from here.”
Also appreciate posts like this which help nudge this Larson book further up my queue. Great combo of book review and introspect.
Thanks Matt!
Now I want to rewatch - forth or fifth time - Up in the Air...then Michael Clayton...then Out of Sight..
There is a lot to think about here! There can be a lot more to place identity. In Chicago there are divisions upon divisions: 77 recognized neighborhoods; North, West, or South Sides, parishes for Catholics; high school and/or college. Not to mention city vs suburb, city vs state, income/class (a weird Venn diagram of income, status, and genertic), and race (which trumps everything).
So...if you are a Kenwood, Lane Tech or Whitney Young kid that went to DePaul that lives in Chinatown or Bridgeport or Rogers Park but was born on an Army base to a cardiologist at Northwestern and an English teacher but you spent summers in Englewood with cousins from Mississippi, Belize and Canada or Iowa detailing corn and scooping the loop, but learned to speak Spanish and cook pozole before starting grade school...and you have reddish brown hair and freckles...where are you from is usually a question that takes a couple of days to answer.
The part that really bothers me is when people ask where are you from so they can decide who you are and how they should treat you. Instead of the whole content of character/do unto others thing.
Love all of this. The answer to the question is highly contextual based on who is asking, no doubt!
As far as someone asking where you're from in order to size you up, well, that quickly gives you a ton of useful info about them, right?
I'm reminded of a song lyric that Carol King wrote in the 1970s:
"So far away
Doesn't anybody stay
In one place anymore?"
When we first came to Florida, we were always shocked at the question, "Where are you from", with the automatic and underlying assumption that it's not from here. And this seemed to be a major element of social currency in Florida. Even the name tags for people in hotels listed their state or country of origin much like the Chinese ID cards that equate provincial origin with personal identity.
But, for now, I am back in New England. And if you want to get a strong sense of place, just go to the local fishermen's bar and try to decipher the accent. Growing up here, I remember the arguments about which was the first town in Connecticut, whether it was founded in 1634 or 1636. And we had locals who could point out the sites from King Philip's War (1670s) as if they had taken place in our lifetime. but even that is fading away.
I was looking for a good summer read. I will definitely get Larsen's book.
Fascinating essay. I have lived in Washington since 1991, but I still think of myself as from Upstate NY, and my body exhales when I go back there. So many things about NY State that aren’t completely in line with my spirit, but the scenery, the shale lake beds and incredible creeks, the rolling hills and snow speak to me.
Thank you.
"My body exhales" is such a good way to frame it.
By the way -- we had a team retreat in the Catskills this summer. That was my first visit there. Absolutely stunning.
Where were you in the Catskills? I belong to a fishing club in Roscoe and get out on the Beaverkill a few times each season. It is beautiful country. And it is the birthplace of American fly fishing.
We were there for our product team retreat the last week in June. Perfection!
After a few moves and way too many convos starting with ‘where ya from?’ I have moved onto asking ‘where did you move from?’ I find it sparks a more interesting story ✈️
Love that twist!
...home is where the heart is they say...so i guess that means my home is some uninhabited island in the Caribbean that i have yet to make it to...but for realsies i do think our homes are where we feel like we’re home...i was born in Minnesota, raised in Chicago, arrested in the Dakotas, abandoned in Arizona, left for the wolves in Wyoming, and settled down in Reno before making a home in Oakland...lyrics from “The Undisputed Truth” - “papa was a rolling stone, wherever he left his hat was his home”...seems there is no true criteria outside of instinct...
Your life is a Willie Nelson song!
Seriously, though, no true criteria outside of instinct sounds right.